Why I Read

I don't know if it's okay to jack your own stuff, but I'm doing it. I have to write a blog for my classroom blog, and I liked what I wrote so I'm posting it here too. So read and enjoy. 

Why Reading is Important.

In high school there were certain books I had to read over the summer. Going into my senior year it was The Great Gatsby. To be honest I hated reading in high school, and rarely did it. I read spark notes and had other classmates tell me about the book. I regret it now being an English teacher, but I was a slow reader and stumbled over words. I was embarrassed to read infront of class.

When I was young I had surgery and quit talking for around 2 years. This lack of talking around 3 and 4 years old greatly delayed me. I was in speech for about 7 to 8 years. I say all this because even though I was embarrassed to read and pretty much hated it, that all changed my second year of college. I had a marvelous teacher, Dr. Moore, who taught World Literature part 1. He loved how words began and changed throughout time and John Milton. I began to see the love I had for those things as well. He inspired me to read and see how the specific words the author chose were used. Why were they there? Why did the author choose another word? What does the author truly mean by it? I began reading in class, and soon at home. I read for fun. I had only read or fun with Harry Potter, all other reading was for a goal (either AR points or it was required). I was now a reader, and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. 

I say all this because I am now sad I missed out on all the books from high school, and now I'm trying to play catch up with those and classics. Don't read for others, but read for yourself. Reading helps you grow and learn. The only way to get better at it is to practice, so what if you are slow, stumble, don't know the words. Look them up, practice saying them, and ignore the kids laughing at you in class. Clearly they are jealous that you are pursuing knowledge. I'm here to encourage you to read, learn, and fall in love with something. I will try to find a topic or style of reading you will become a part of. I will only try to encourage, so you will keep trying and not give up. 

Where I am at right now

    Life doesn't seem to be going my way. By this I mean I am not off traveling foreign countries and I don't have a job I love. There are a lot of other things I could add in the list like I don't have my own place, I am not dating or married yet, I have student loans, I am working a part time retail job, I don't manage my money well, and most of my friends are off living life while I'm stuck.

    I have recently applied to schools, for those of you who don't know. I want to pursue English education in some way. I don't quite have the GPA and I didn't make what I needed to on my MAT, but that's a different story. I want to further my education and move forward in life, but since I don't have the grades or test scores I have been rather worried that I won't get in. I know the world won't end if I don't, but it kind of feels like it or at least that it will just stand still. I just feel like I should be doing something more. You know? 

    Well let me give my spill about how amazing my friends are. I made a 402 on the MAT and I needed a 410. The second time I took it I made a 401. Yeah I suck at standardized tests. That actually happened to me with the ACT, I made a point lower the second time I took it. So I called my mom first and cried to her, then I texted my friend Brittany. She called me a little later that day and gave me a super encouraging speech about how my grade/score doesn't make me who I am. And about how wonderful I am, which you need your friends and loved ones to tell you every so often because it's easy to forget.
    So now I am in Limbo, if you will. Just waiting for something to happen to set my life into motion. Luckily I have people along my path that help encourage and support me. Recently a woman I work with was able to quit and she has always told me that I should follow my writing and to not let Academy bring me down. Having someone who enjoys what i write helps inspire me to chase after the things I love. Hopefully I will get to move forward in my life, but I have learned to enjoy where I am at right now and learning to be content in that.

What is in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet." -Juliet from Romeo and Juliet

So that quote is Juliet talking to herself about how she loves Romeo who is forbidden to her, because he is a Montague and she a Capulet. She is telling herself that only if her "lover" or soon to be lover had a different last name they could be happy together.

This has nothing to do with my point. I just thought you, the reader, should know the title of this post's origin, because knowledge is power people!

So my FIRST name is Turner and my LAST name is Renick. I am emphasize that they are my first and last, because it seems to confuse just about everyone I come into contact with. I called the health department the other day to get a copy on my immunization records. Just a normal day. Well after being transferred three times and stating my name and purpose a woman finally seemed capable of finding my records. She asked my for my first name with which I responded with "Turner". Which she then said, "No, I said your first name."

You would think by the age of 23 soon to be 24 (in a couple of months) that I would be use to people not understanding that I have a better grasp on my first name than they do, since they are complete strangers and all.

Having a last name for a first name can be confusing, to most. I was named Turner after my grandmother. Her maiden name was Turner. My mother named me after her, because well she loved her mom and wanted her name to carry on. (Might I mention my middle name is Annette the same as my grandmother's middle name).

 Being named after my Grandmother, Boots, is the greatest gift I've ever been blessed with. My name is unique first off. I don't know another Turner. Every now and then I will get random people who tell me they know a Turner, but luckily I have never met one. Secondly, my name has meaning. My mom didn't just choose a random popular name because she liked it Thirdly, my mom named me after the person she loved most, well until she met me. Fourthly, My Grandmother was one of my most favorite people.

My grandmother, I called Meme and others called Boots, was a stubborn, loving, strong, advanced, kind, mean, wonderful woman. The two of us are rather alike. When we would go visit her she would always scratch my back. Not rub, but scratch. She would scratch it for what seemed like forever and at times it felt like all the skin from my back was gone. Slowly she was taken away from me, very slowly. She was diagnosed with dementia when I was around 12, and it took her mentally away from me, slowly. That was one of the hardest things seeing one of your favorite people drained from their own body. I pray she didn't know what was going on around her, because if she did that would have been the worse torture to ever go through. It was bad enough to see someone you love go through it, I cannot comprehend losing every memory of your life and then forgetting how to do anything for yourself like walking, eating, swallowing, or breathing.

It was torture seeing her go through that, but I know I carry her name with me. I use to hate my name when I was young, but when you are young you are stupid. I use to dream about changing my name. I wanted to change it to Courtney. How unmeaningful (I know that isn't a word). Kids use to tease me about my name calling me Turner Classic Movies and turnip greens. They seem rather harmless, but at the time they hurt, like I said kids are stupid. But now that I have grown up and my grandmother has died, I am more than grateful that my mother named me Turner Annette Renick.

Pep Talk

     So I was introduced to the kid president a while ago with a wonderful video called pep talk.
Here it is if you haven't seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-gQLqv9f4o
If that doesn't make you cry, move you, or want to change then I don't know what will. That kid is on point! My favorite lines are:

"Boring is easy, everyone can be boring, but you are gooder than that."

"If life is a game, aren't we all on the same team?"

"That dude Journey said, "Don't stop believing unless your dream is stupid then you should get a better dream""

"What would be your space jam? What will you create that will make the world awesome?
Nothing if you just keep sitting there."

"We can make everyday better for each other! If we are all on the same team we should act like it?"

I haven't felt like I have been on my game lately. I have been in a funk and that pep talk helped me as I hope it helped you.
      Recently I was at work and talked with a co-worker who is usually known as Debbie the Downer, but she stopped me one day and decided it was the day for my personal 30 minute pep talk. She asked about my life and future goals. I told her I want to travel and plan on doing Journeymen or getting my masters and teaching. She seemed excited to talk to me about my future. She said, "Find what you love and you will learn to live off of what you make." Hearing that from her, who usually is so down on life and others, was the type of thing I have been needing lately. It helped me realize that even though I don't know what my future holds that I should still try to obtain my dreams and I will find a way to be happy while doing them.
       My mom told me a long time ago that "if you don't like your life, then change it". I have realized lately that once you graduate you get in a funk of not knowing what to do next and being unsatisfied with where you are. I know I feel that way just about everyday. But luckily I have found out that if you confide in your friends you will see they are struggling with similar feelings, well at least mine are. It has been so great to be able to talk to my friends, even the ones I don't normally talk to, and tell them how and why I feel inadequate and they feel the same way. My friends who look like they have it all together struggle too. I felt relieved I wasn't the only one not happy where I am now. 

        I realize we all have crappy days, but it's the days you enjoy and make the best of where you are that fill your life. I encourage everyone to not hold back your feelings, life gets messy then. Talk to people you love and they will build you up and encourage you. I am a rather introverted person so this advice is harder for me, but once I started sharing the things on my heart the more I know they are there for a reason. 

True Love

        Well to switch gears a little. My friend Stephanie and I were catching up one day, and she told me about a new couple that was forming. I was thrown by the pairing, but then Stephanie said, "She is trying to compensate her sin for his godliness". Another brilliant statement about love.
        Some people see where they are weak and try to make it better by filling it in with someone else's strength. A lot of Christian girls make me so angry, because they are always thinking they are inadequate. When the truth is they are so beautiful and need to realize it.
         Actually that isn't just a Christian girls thing it is all girls. I'm just singling out Christian girls, because I was once there. I read and have all the self-help books for a Christian girl in search of a Christian guy. And now I am disgusted by that whole approach.

YOU DON'T NEED A GOOD CHRISTIAN GUY TO MAKE YOU BETTER!!!

        Do you understand me? Jesus did that!! He took all your sins on Him and sacrificed Himself so you wouldn't have to rely on any human to make you better! That is why God is so wonderful. He takes care of you, not a worthless, unreliable, dirty human, but rather the Creator of the universe, the Kin, the Redeemer. Wouldn't you rather have that anyways? I know I would, especially after I since I have tried it on my own and it was not worth it. 

That thing called love

     So Valentine's Day was a while ago, but love is still a topic I well love. I was very excited about Valentine's Day and everyone else I came in contact with that day was a Debbie the Downer. I was so excited and cheerful, for once, and everyone stole that away from me. That isn't the point to this blog, I'm just saying don't be down on love because you don't personally have someone special in your life. Because I certainly don't have any in my life, just saying.

     Anyways, recently I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower. Oh man is it good. I tried reading the book first, but had to stop because of school at the time and I just haven't picked it back up. Well the narrator is a 15 year old boy who is basically telling about his some-what strange life. It is a very good movie. But the main character Charlie talks to his English teacher, Bill: 

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? 

Bill:Are we talking about anyone specific?
[Charlie nods] 

Bill: We accept the love we think we deserve. 

Charlie: Can we make them know they deserve more? 

Bill: We can try.

So Charlie is constantly confused, as any teenager is, about love. Later the girl he has fallen in love with, Sam, talk:

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

That quote "We accept the love we think we deserve". Right there is pure truth. We have crappy love lives, no love lives, and anything else we aren't happy with is because we choose what we think we deserve. I'm not saying all love sucks and that no one can choose properly, but when you aren't happy or don't feel like you are being treated as you should --- Change it!

I'm kind of lost here

Hello,
        My name is Turner and I am rekindling my love of writing with this blog. In my last semester of college I decided all English majors should take creative writing, so I signed up not knowing what I was getting myself into. The first day of class the teacher went over the syllabus and I was ready to drop the class, except I needed the hours to graduate. So I decided I would have to figure out writing and creating my own portfolio. As the class went on I fell in love with writing and critiquing others writing. It was way better than I expected. I wrote poetry and short stories about my summer in India, which allowed me to share my experiences throughout the summer to complete strangers. Having people in my class read my work was beyond intimidating, but they helped me grow as a writer.
        So saying all of that - here I am just graduated, working at Academy, and trying to find out what the next step is for me. I have applied to Journeymen, hoping I will be able to go over seas for two years, but I don't know if I'll get it. I have been studying for the MAT to possibly go to grad school? for ESL or Linguistics. I have also been looking at the Peace Corps. I am so unsure of my future, but I know I have to do something other than what I have been doing. Academy is okay for the most part, but retail isn't my forte. I desperately want to travel the world and help others, but I don't know how or when I will do it.
        Two of my best friends, Brittany and Grace, were both married recently while I am stuck in Decatur, working at Academy, and living with my mom. I feel rather stuck and useless while they are both progressing and moving on with their lives. Marriage is the next step in most girls lives, but I know I am not ready for marriage yet. I want to travel and explore life. It's just weird to have two friends married and I'm as single as they come. I feel like I'm left behind, but God is letting me be single so I can live without having to think of someone else I just need to take advantage of this gift, often seen as a curse.
        Well that is an introduction to my life and all my most common feelings and struggles. I hope I didn't run anyone off with my ramblings and scattered thoughts. I will try and post more about my random thoughts, opinions, life, and anything else that comes up.


     Turner