I'm amazed at people

People have blown my mind lately with their intolerance and stupidity.

    I know this seems like it will be negative, but few people lately have amazed me with their ignorance, prejudice, and lack of intelligence.
    I have been observing at a middle school for school, and the teacher I was with went out of town. She set up other teachers for me to observe, so I could complete some of my days. I was excited to see how other teachers taught, but then I observed something that broke my heart. One of the two teachers I kept switching between had an inclusion class I was going to watch. I am in a special learners class, so being able to see how a different teacher and special ed aid interacted would be helpful for an assignment for my class. Well that quickly changed once I saw her lack of willingness to help and teach her students. I realize I am not in that class everyday, but teachers must persue their students and be dedicated. That particular teacher also said that she wishes "those" (special education students) people were seperated from the "normal" students. I didn't know what to do or say. I was shocked someone had that menatlity, especially someone who works with children everyday.
       I was crushed someone would say that about students. They are children, who need extra support. Why wouldn't you want to put forth that extra effort to help others. This woman also said she would make her kid take honors classes to be seperate from those kinds of kids. I am not a special education major and I don't know much about it. Even though I am neither of those things, I care about people and want all children to succeed the best they can.

     

Goals for 2014

I realize people set resolutions for the new year that they tend to forget and leave in the dust. I want to set some personal goals, because without setting them I won't have much inspiration to do them.

1) Read at least 25 books. I know that may not sound like a lot, but I want to keep building in this number each year and I feel like I can achieve this. I will be posting updates about my progress with books through out the year. My first one is going to be A Constelation of 

That I am reading with my friend Chandni. I feel like having a partner with reading will help me be more accountable. There are so many books and so little time, so I need to make some sort of dent in the literary world. Plus I have a degree in English and now I'm pursuing education, I feel like I need to be well versed in books so I am able to recommend books to students. 

2) Make A's and B's. I am back in school at Athens State University for education. I am currently working full time and took 15 hours in the fall. I thought I was going to make all A's, but no one ever said I was good at math. I didn't realize my grades were weighted and was calculating the wrong grades. I ended up with all B's and one A. I cried, a lot. But then I realized B's are still good. I am a C student, so for me to not get one is amazing. 

3) Be more outgoing. This is really hard for me. I am an introvert, almost overly-introvert. I love being by myself. I am perfectly happy staying home, watching Netflix, reading, or anything else of that nature. I want to make more of an effort to be around people, even though I hate doing that too often. I want to also make more friends, which is very hard for me since I don't go outside of my comfort zone that much.
4) Write more! I fell in love with writing at UNA, and want to put more effort into it.

I know these goals aren't revolutionary, but they are steps to making me a happier person. I am going to school and working full-time, it is hard to have goals and achieve them so I am starting with little ones.

Why I Read

I don't know if it's okay to jack your own stuff, but I'm doing it. I have to write a blog for my classroom blog, and I liked what I wrote so I'm posting it here too. So read and enjoy. 

Why Reading is Important.

In high school there were certain books I had to read over the summer. Going into my senior year it was The Great Gatsby. To be honest I hated reading in high school, and rarely did it. I read spark notes and had other classmates tell me about the book. I regret it now being an English teacher, but I was a slow reader and stumbled over words. I was embarrassed to read infront of class.

When I was young I had surgery and quit talking for around 2 years. This lack of talking around 3 and 4 years old greatly delayed me. I was in speech for about 7 to 8 years. I say all this because even though I was embarrassed to read and pretty much hated it, that all changed my second year of college. I had a marvelous teacher, Dr. Moore, who taught World Literature part 1. He loved how words began and changed throughout time and John Milton. I began to see the love I had for those things as well. He inspired me to read and see how the specific words the author chose were used. Why were they there? Why did the author choose another word? What does the author truly mean by it? I began reading in class, and soon at home. I read for fun. I had only read or fun with Harry Potter, all other reading was for a goal (either AR points or it was required). I was now a reader, and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon. 

I say all this because I am now sad I missed out on all the books from high school, and now I'm trying to play catch up with those and classics. Don't read for others, but read for yourself. Reading helps you grow and learn. The only way to get better at it is to practice, so what if you are slow, stumble, don't know the words. Look them up, practice saying them, and ignore the kids laughing at you in class. Clearly they are jealous that you are pursuing knowledge. I'm here to encourage you to read, learn, and fall in love with something. I will try to find a topic or style of reading you will become a part of. I will only try to encourage, so you will keep trying and not give up. 

Where I am at right now

    Life doesn't seem to be going my way. By this I mean I am not off traveling foreign countries and I don't have a job I love. There are a lot of other things I could add in the list like I don't have my own place, I am not dating or married yet, I have student loans, I am working a part time retail job, I don't manage my money well, and most of my friends are off living life while I'm stuck.

    I have recently applied to schools, for those of you who don't know. I want to pursue English education in some way. I don't quite have the GPA and I didn't make what I needed to on my MAT, but that's a different story. I want to further my education and move forward in life, but since I don't have the grades or test scores I have been rather worried that I won't get in. I know the world won't end if I don't, but it kind of feels like it or at least that it will just stand still. I just feel like I should be doing something more. You know? 

    Well let me give my spill about how amazing my friends are. I made a 402 on the MAT and I needed a 410. The second time I took it I made a 401. Yeah I suck at standardized tests. That actually happened to me with the ACT, I made a point lower the second time I took it. So I called my mom first and cried to her, then I texted my friend Brittany. She called me a little later that day and gave me a super encouraging speech about how my grade/score doesn't make me who I am. And about how wonderful I am, which you need your friends and loved ones to tell you every so often because it's easy to forget.
    So now I am in Limbo, if you will. Just waiting for something to happen to set my life into motion. Luckily I have people along my path that help encourage and support me. Recently a woman I work with was able to quit and she has always told me that I should follow my writing and to not let Academy bring me down. Having someone who enjoys what i write helps inspire me to chase after the things I love. Hopefully I will get to move forward in my life, but I have learned to enjoy where I am at right now and learning to be content in that.

What is in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet." -Juliet from Romeo and Juliet

So that quote is Juliet talking to herself about how she loves Romeo who is forbidden to her, because he is a Montague and she a Capulet. She is telling herself that only if her "lover" or soon to be lover had a different last name they could be happy together.

This has nothing to do with my point. I just thought you, the reader, should know the title of this post's origin, because knowledge is power people!

So my FIRST name is Turner and my LAST name is Renick. I am emphasize that they are my first and last, because it seems to confuse just about everyone I come into contact with. I called the health department the other day to get a copy on my immunization records. Just a normal day. Well after being transferred three times and stating my name and purpose a woman finally seemed capable of finding my records. She asked my for my first name with which I responded with "Turner". Which she then said, "No, I said your first name."

You would think by the age of 23 soon to be 24 (in a couple of months) that I would be use to people not understanding that I have a better grasp on my first name than they do, since they are complete strangers and all.

Having a last name for a first name can be confusing, to most. I was named Turner after my grandmother. Her maiden name was Turner. My mother named me after her, because well she loved her mom and wanted her name to carry on. (Might I mention my middle name is Annette the same as my grandmother's middle name).

 Being named after my Grandmother, Boots, is the greatest gift I've ever been blessed with. My name is unique first off. I don't know another Turner. Every now and then I will get random people who tell me they know a Turner, but luckily I have never met one. Secondly, my name has meaning. My mom didn't just choose a random popular name because she liked it Thirdly, my mom named me after the person she loved most, well until she met me. Fourthly, My Grandmother was one of my most favorite people.

My grandmother, I called Meme and others called Boots, was a stubborn, loving, strong, advanced, kind, mean, wonderful woman. The two of us are rather alike. When we would go visit her she would always scratch my back. Not rub, but scratch. She would scratch it for what seemed like forever and at times it felt like all the skin from my back was gone. Slowly she was taken away from me, very slowly. She was diagnosed with dementia when I was around 12, and it took her mentally away from me, slowly. That was one of the hardest things seeing one of your favorite people drained from their own body. I pray she didn't know what was going on around her, because if she did that would have been the worse torture to ever go through. It was bad enough to see someone you love go through it, I cannot comprehend losing every memory of your life and then forgetting how to do anything for yourself like walking, eating, swallowing, or breathing.

It was torture seeing her go through that, but I know I carry her name with me. I use to hate my name when I was young, but when you are young you are stupid. I use to dream about changing my name. I wanted to change it to Courtney. How unmeaningful (I know that isn't a word). Kids use to tease me about my name calling me Turner Classic Movies and turnip greens. They seem rather harmless, but at the time they hurt, like I said kids are stupid. But now that I have grown up and my grandmother has died, I am more than grateful that my mother named me Turner Annette Renick.

Pep Talk

     So I was introduced to the kid president a while ago with a wonderful video called pep talk.
Here it is if you haven't seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-gQLqv9f4o
If that doesn't make you cry, move you, or want to change then I don't know what will. That kid is on point! My favorite lines are:

"Boring is easy, everyone can be boring, but you are gooder than that."

"If life is a game, aren't we all on the same team?"

"That dude Journey said, "Don't stop believing unless your dream is stupid then you should get a better dream""

"What would be your space jam? What will you create that will make the world awesome?
Nothing if you just keep sitting there."

"We can make everyday better for each other! If we are all on the same team we should act like it?"

I haven't felt like I have been on my game lately. I have been in a funk and that pep talk helped me as I hope it helped you.
      Recently I was at work and talked with a co-worker who is usually known as Debbie the Downer, but she stopped me one day and decided it was the day for my personal 30 minute pep talk. She asked about my life and future goals. I told her I want to travel and plan on doing Journeymen or getting my masters and teaching. She seemed excited to talk to me about my future. She said, "Find what you love and you will learn to live off of what you make." Hearing that from her, who usually is so down on life and others, was the type of thing I have been needing lately. It helped me realize that even though I don't know what my future holds that I should still try to obtain my dreams and I will find a way to be happy while doing them.
       My mom told me a long time ago that "if you don't like your life, then change it". I have realized lately that once you graduate you get in a funk of not knowing what to do next and being unsatisfied with where you are. I know I feel that way just about everyday. But luckily I have found out that if you confide in your friends you will see they are struggling with similar feelings, well at least mine are. It has been so great to be able to talk to my friends, even the ones I don't normally talk to, and tell them how and why I feel inadequate and they feel the same way. My friends who look like they have it all together struggle too. I felt relieved I wasn't the only one not happy where I am now. 

        I realize we all have crappy days, but it's the days you enjoy and make the best of where you are that fill your life. I encourage everyone to not hold back your feelings, life gets messy then. Talk to people you love and they will build you up and encourage you. I am a rather introverted person so this advice is harder for me, but once I started sharing the things on my heart the more I know they are there for a reason. 

True Love

        Well to switch gears a little. My friend Stephanie and I were catching up one day, and she told me about a new couple that was forming. I was thrown by the pairing, but then Stephanie said, "She is trying to compensate her sin for his godliness". Another brilliant statement about love.
        Some people see where they are weak and try to make it better by filling it in with someone else's strength. A lot of Christian girls make me so angry, because they are always thinking they are inadequate. When the truth is they are so beautiful and need to realize it.
         Actually that isn't just a Christian girls thing it is all girls. I'm just singling out Christian girls, because I was once there. I read and have all the self-help books for a Christian girl in search of a Christian guy. And now I am disgusted by that whole approach.

YOU DON'T NEED A GOOD CHRISTIAN GUY TO MAKE YOU BETTER!!!

        Do you understand me? Jesus did that!! He took all your sins on Him and sacrificed Himself so you wouldn't have to rely on any human to make you better! That is why God is so wonderful. He takes care of you, not a worthless, unreliable, dirty human, but rather the Creator of the universe, the Kin, the Redeemer. Wouldn't you rather have that anyways? I know I would, especially after I since I have tried it on my own and it was not worth it.