In my own time

Every few months I seem to need to validate my life. I am sure this is the same for everyone, so I'm not sure why I feel like my life is the only one not going to "plan". 

I am 25 years old. I graduated from UNA with an English degree in 2012. I loved my classes and teachers (for the most part). They helped me grow and gain different perspectives I wasn't aware of or didn't think needed to be shown to me. I am a very confident person, some would say overly confident. I love learning, but hate being wrong. That's why I love school so much. They teach you new and different perspectives to value and assess things without telling you and your views are wrong or off-putting. 

Since graduating I have started back going to school at Athens State University. My GPA has been screwed over ever since I went to Alabama and pretty much failed out. This is a really embarrassing time in my life I don't talk about enough. I am ashamed for failing and not allowed back at Alabama, but I was depressed and didn't realize it. I'm not trying to make excuses, because it was my fault. But... It takes a hell of a long time to raise GPAs up high enough to a respectable level. 

I love school and I'm dedicated (now), but I had to go back to Athens in undergrad to get my teaching certificate.

I am close now. Only took me 8 years to almost be done with school, but that's my path. 

I use to think other people were failures of it took them a while to figure life out. I'm not sure if that was me and my secluded thinking or if that is what society expected from people. But we have to stop seeing trials and set backs as punishments or failures. 

I am working at Academy sports and outdoors. Trust me, I am not the person you expect to help you find the right grill or bait, and I can't really do either. I bull shit it like 85% of the people I work with. I recently got a "promotion" - it was more of a step to the side- but it is stuff I love. I am dedicated to my work, and want to find new ways of doing things to better it. It takes a lot of time for me to figure out a process, but I enjoy that sort of thing. 

I do not want to be there forever, but who says that I won't. I may graduate and not find a teaching job right away- I hope I'm wrong- but things don't always pan out. I may get a teaching job and hate it or just plain suck at it. I don't know. I'm not sure I would want to know either. 

I still have dreams to go over seas and teach girls in the Middle East or India and one day own an orphanage - but who knows when that dream will come close to being real. It may be far fetched, but it's mine. It fades and I have to rekindle that love, but it's mine. 

I don't know what I was trying to get out of this ramble anymore- I think it morphed into a baby soap box- but I hope someone read this and related and felt not alone for a second... 

What I intended from this post was keep going. It's hard and hurts but don't quit. It may take you longer than you or others thought but why should that matter? 

I read this article and this writer gets me - there are parts that hit home with me that I didn't mention so I hope you take time and read her article too. 

http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/invisible-timeline-okay-track/855006